Friday, September 22, 2006

Courtesies for the Disabled

Many people become nervous or don't know what to do/what to say around people with disabilities. Here're some guidelines to make meeting and greeting those with physical disabilities a positive experience.

Speak to disabled people directly, maintaining eye contact with them rather than with their interpreters. Offer your left hand whenever someone offers you a left hand to shake hands for the person might have limited use of right hand or have an artificial limp. Don't be overly embarrassed or apologetic while using common expressions such as "did you hear about…" or "I see". When there's a person who's visually impaired in the group, use names to make it clear to whom you are speaking, such as "Bill, have you received an update on sales forecast?"

While communicating with a person in a wheelchair, try to get on the person's eye level and don't touch, lean on or put your hand on the wheelchair and never pat the person's head or shoulder---it's patronizing. Being disabled is a part---but not all---of who that person is. People who are disabled don't want to be considered, or treated, as one-dimensional symbols of their disability. You can offer to help but wait to assist until the person accepts or provides you with instructions. Politely and sensitively greet and treat the disabled as much as possible in the same way in which you would greet and treat anyone else.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

InterNatiONal etiQUEtte

International Perspective

Culture undeniably determines perspective. Notions about what conduct is correct are rooted in each country's environment. Whether you are visiting another country or are hosting a foreign representative in the US, you want to act in a courteous, gracious fashion that will make everyone feel comfortable.

General International Etiquette Guide

Just as we expect visitors to our country to adopt our customs, you are expected to figure out how to function properly in the host country.

We see things according to our cultural backgrounds and it's like putting on our cultural glasses and every culture has a different set of glasses, which affects its vision of reality, hence cultural difference results in different perceptions. For example, to Mexicans, Americans are unemotional and serious, likely to work as a team but rather time-conscious. The Taiwanese see Americans are emotional and fun-loving, easygoing although inclined to be independent. What it boils down to is that there are absolute no absolutes.

Remember that our perceptions are relative not absolute. One of the invigorating aspects of travel can be the way it allows you to examine your own beliefs and habits, taking them off of "automatic" if you so choose.

When you feel offended, try to consider motivations and perspectives. Intention counts for a lot: someone who didn't look at you didn't mean to insult you but instead was showing you deference.

As a business traveler, you are not there to change the culture but to work within it. In new environments, try new foods, new ways of behaving, your hosts will appreciate the positive attitude demonstrated by your attempt. Be prepared to react positively to unusual encounters.

The greater the depth and breath of your knowledge, the better able you will be to function in the international environment. Be sensitive to surroundings as you watch for clues on how to behave.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Psychological Effect of the Color of Red

Power of Red

·Attributes: upbeat, confident, assertive, exciting, conspicuous, passionate, intense, impulsive, daring, aggressive, domineering, bossy, threatening

People Who Like Red are exciting, animated, optimistic, emotional and extroverted. Desire is the key word and they hunger for fullness of experience and living.

Since you crave so much excitement in your life, routine can drive you bananas. Restlessness can make you fickle in your pursuit of new things to turn you on. It is hard for you to be objective and you can be opinionated. You have a tendency to listen to what others tell you and then do whatever you please. Patience is not one of your virtues.

People Who Dislike Red: Since red is primarily associated with a zest for life, excitement and passion, a dislike of this hue could mean that these feelings are a bit much for you to handle at this point in your life. Perhaps you are bothered by the aggressiveness and intensity that red signifies. Or perhaps you would really like more fulfillments but are afraid to get involved. People who are irritable, ill exhausted, or bothered by many problems often reject red and turn to the calmer colors for rest and relaxation. They are very self-protective.

Wearing Red for Emotional & Physical Impact

· When you want to be recognized or to catch someone's eye

· When tired, red gives you an artificial boost

Avoid Wearing Red

· When overtired or overstressed

· Being interviewed for a job

Thursday, September 14, 2006

hOw to Deal wIth conFLict & prICKLy persONalitiEs


















Keys to Managing Conflict

The true test of your etiquette skills comes not from dealing with people who are polite but from dealing with those who are rude.

When you're in such a test, try everything you can before taking it to the higher level. Don't generalize or label the person, as in "he's just lazy." You need to give the person a chance to correct it or to explain it.

Before going directly to the person, map out the pros and cons for giving in and the possibility of other alternatives. Find a time and a place that both of you can be alone, comfortable, and undisturbed to tackle to the conflict. Stay calm and stay focus and don't blame or name call. Propose your solution and hear out the person's opinion and try to develop a mutual solution then take action.

You might have to agree to disagree and might want to take the discussion with someone at a higher level if the matter is important enough to you or significant enough for the organization.

Coping with Prickly Personalities

Sometimes some people just refuse to behave in a constructive fashion, flatout bitches or jerks and you cannot force anyone to do anything. All you can do is give it your best shot.

Limit actual contact with a bully by communicating via email or memos and repeat what you want from a bully like a broken record to be assertive and firm. It can be helpful to get allies who agree with you regarding a problem.

If a person keeps refusing to discuss with you, you can just tell the non-combatant what you'll do next with or without the person's input or warn that you may take the problem to a supervisor.

If a complainer keeps complaining about the same problem over and over again, make him/her promise you to try your suggested solution and you'll reevaluate it in a later date and if the complainer complaining to you about another person, show your concern then ask the complainer to confront the person he has a problem with.

A conspiracy victim takes any criticism personal and will attack the validity of source of complaints about him/her. Emphasize YOU consider the issue a problem and YOU want to solve it, no one else.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

CAreer maKEup



The career look requires more attention and a little more time and product to create than the casual look does. Whatever the occasion, the career look should be polished and professional.

1) Start by using concealer under your eyes and eyelids, concentrating on the most recessed corner of the inner eye. Apply over any small imperfections on your face and blend with a sponge.

2) Apply a foundation that best suits your skin type and preferred coverage, and that matches your natural coloring. Blend carefully.

3) If needed, add loose powder to set and soften the look.

4) Shape the cheek area by lightly applying a blush color to the areas just under your cheekbones, and a touch more to the balls of your cheeks. Blend well to keep the look muted.

5) Career eyes require only two eye shadow colors and eyeliner.

6) Apply a light eye shadow over the entire eyelid.

7) Apply a thin line of pencil eyeliner at your lash lines and smudge to set.

8) Follow by applying a darker eye shadow along the lash line and blend well to create a soft, yet focused eye.

9) Apply the same eye shadow in the crease to create added depth.

10) Apply one or two coats of mascara on the top lashes only.

11) Use a lip pencil that blends well with your lipstick color to define your lips.

12) Add shape to your mouth and, if needed for staying power, fill in your lips with a pencil.

13) Apply the lip color that best suits your coloring as well as keeps your lips looking soft and professional.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Why Geek Geniuses Lack Social Graces?

Norman Doidge On Human Nature

National Post

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology, perhaps the finest post-graduate school for mathematical and computer minds in the world, has a course that teaches its entering geniuses the most basic social skills -- often at a rudimentary level. MIT students wittily dub it "charm school." Many of the best and the brightest minds in science, math and computers are often physically and socially clumsy, and they know it. They've been teased mercilessly for being "klutzes" of one sort or another most of their lives.

Ten years ago, Dr. David Forrest, a psychoanalyst who had studied schizophrenics, turned his research attention to those who are designated "nerds," "geeks" and "space-cadets," to understand why so many with superior mental abilities are uncoordinated, come with plastic pen packs in smudged shirt pockets, have an often whiny voice with a mechanical timbre, and a sudden loud, peculiar, foghorn laugh and snort. He wondered why a "nerd" stoops to take such a close look at what interests him, sniffing his food if it smells funny, placing his nose right in it, "locking on" with his eyes. Forrest wondered if there was some special relationship between certain kinds of intelligence and the absence of physical and social graces.

Now there's a book, Shadow Syndromes, that begins to answer Forrest's questions, and many more. Shadow Syndromes, by Harvard psychiatrist John Ratey (co-authored with Catherine Johnson), sets off a cascade of "aha" reactions that significantly alter one's conception of oneself and others.

It's only in the last few decades that we have learned that most of the major mental disorders have "shadow syndromes" or milder versions. Ratey's and Johnson's book brilliantly describes numerous shadow syndromes -- masked depressions (that show up in those who are always "being difficult"), less severe manias, obsessive-compulsive disorders, rages, and attention deficits, all of which influence our work and love lives.

For instance, Shadow Syndromes builds a powerful case that many of us "nerds" are at the mildest end of a spectrum of autistic disorders. Till recently, autism was believed to exist only in a severe form. Autistic kids have profound difficulty connecting with people, and always appear "out of it." But many have neurological difficulties as well. Autistic infants, when startled, can't turn off the startle response. They are hypersensitive, and are well-known to spend hours rocking or moving their hands rhythmically, to soothe themselves.

But 10 years ago, Edward Ritvo of UCLA, in an attempt to study autistic children, went around Utah, and spoke to the parents of every known autistic child in the state. He discovered that a number of the parents were mildly autistic themselves. Some were socially isolated, had autistic ways of walking (were "odd ducks") and spent long hours rocking.

Suddenly, it seemed that along with some well-known physical causes, there was likely a genetic component to autism. As well, the psychoanalytic observation that some autistic kids had parents who could not connect with them seemed not so far-fetched: Some of these parents were autistic.

Mildly autistic people have a characteristic, Mr. Spock-like way of speaking -- overly formal, with little emotion. They have trouble understanding the meaning of tone changes in speech and can't easily make small talk. They can't read people. One of Dr. Ratey's patients, Aaron, a socially awkward computer programmer and a 34-year-old virgin, who might have passed for neurotic, couldn't empathize at all. Never having known what empathy was, when others understood him, he felt they had invaded his mind. He showed the signs of physical awkwardness and couldn't dance unless someone physically guided each step. (Many autistic kids can't skip, or clap in time to music, and have problems with rhythm and balance.)

Co-ordination of movement and balance are known to be regulated by the part of the brain called the cerebellum. We now know, from brain scan studies by Eric Courchesne, that the cerebellum is significantly underdeveloped in autism. It has also recently been shown, to the surprise of many, that the cerebellum co-ordinates both physical movement and the shifting of attention.

This finding is momentous. It led Courchesne to ask, "What would happen to the infant who comes into the world with cerebellar damage, and a clumsy attentional apparatus?" Courchesne showed that it took these kids six seconds to shift attention, and hypothesized that this was not fast enough to make out the fleeting sweeps of emotional expression and social information. A smile erupts and disappears in a moment on a mother's face. The child who cannot catch it, or who can't shift his attention quickly enough to see what the mother is smiling at, feels "out of it." At best, he catches the shadow of her smile. Thus, he cannot "tune in" to people, or share in a moment of joy. Later on, he may learn to tediously calculate what others are feeling, but that is hard work, indeed.

This cerebellar slowness may also explain some of the intellectual feats of the mildly autistic "computer nerds" that are now reorganizing the planet. (Bill Gates, according to Shadow Syndromes, is reported to rock himself, spend hours on the trampoline, not make eye contact, and have trouble making social conversation.) It is not just that computers provide an alternative to direct contact with people. Many mildly autistic people are right-brain types, often with great visual-spatial skills. Silicon Valley is filled with shy, awkward geniuses, who are able to be obsessed with certain interests or ideas; never letting go of them, they are able to make connections and discoveries the rest of us cannot.

But more importantly, because attention shifting is slowed, autistic people experience life as a series of freeze frames. Thus, they have trouble perceiving the whole. But they are far better than "normal" people at perceiving the parts. Some autistic artists can reproduce, in perfect detail, a building only seen once; the "normal" artist starts from a sketch of the whole, then fills the details in. Autistic people can see things out of context -- the starting point for invention.

Ratey and Johnson state that neuroscience "is proving Freud right: probably none of us is 'normal' -- normal in the sense of possessing a brain in which every part and system works as well as every other part and system -- and all functions lie well within an optimal range." In Shadow Syndromes you may just recognize your own "noisy" brain and the way it, for evolutionary reasons, biases how you process information. It's getting late in 1999, so it's not too early to recommend Shadow Syndromes as one of the most fascinating books on psychiatry, for the general reader, of the decade.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

duDe shE iS noT INto You!

Some of you girls must've been there: You're at a bar/party and some random guy comes up hitting on you. When you try to brush him off nicely and politely, he just doesn't want to give up.

"Men think that if they're in a social scene and a girl looks good, it's okay to be aggressive," says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., coauthor of Why Can't You Read My Mind? It's as if they believe that when a woman puts on ravishing clothes and grooms herself nicely, she's asking to be pursued by whoever however whatsoever.

One of the reasons why guys mistake no for maybe is the male ego. If a man approaches a woman while his friends watching, he feels like he is not allowed to miss the shot, so he keeps trying because of the pressure being in the spotlight. Besides, oftentimes men also think it's part of the "game." either they've heard repeatedly or learned from some lame ass dating experts that women tend to play hard to get(I believe some women do and so do some men though), so they think if they keep trying and keep changing tricks, they'll eventually get what they want. Is it really?

"Many guys feel clumsy about meeting women, so they use alcohol as a social lubricant," says Michael Kimmel, Ph.D., author of the upcoming Guyland: The Inner Lives of Young Men. Even if a few drinks can ease anxiety yet they can also trigger aggression if men become upset when they're rejected. Boys if you don't look or act cuter after you're drunk, don't drink so much that you lose all senses!

The best way to deter a guy without having to be a total bitch is to play detached and apathetic loud and clear. Your body language and actions should not send out mixed signals because men often mistake friendly gestures for sexual advances. Don't play with your hair or maintain eye contact while talking to him, turn down his offer to buy you a drink, and don't laugh about his jokes, you'll only encourage him.

OK here comes the bitch part, no one likes to be rejected, likewise no one likes to be bugged! If the dude refuses to relent, look him straight in the eye and say in a strong voice, "I'm really not interested," and then turn away. Most men will respond by putting their tails between their legs or acting like jerks if they cannot handle the rejection.

In such a city jungle, it's ok to have your own survival skills or game plans as long as you can do it right with the right people!