BarriErs to CommunicATion

Anything that prevents understanding a message is a barrier to communication. The barrier is like a filter which may filter out the originality or true meaning of an idea or a message.

Our culture, background, bias allow us to use past experience to understand something new, it's when they change or distort the meaning of the message then interfere with the communication process.

Before getting ready for an effective communication, we need to throw out the "Me Generation", which are defensiveness (we feel someone is attacking us), superiority (we feel we know better), and ego (we feel we are the center of activity).

If we feel there are such barriers as a person who talks too fast, who is not articulately clearly, we may dismiss the person.

Sometimes our preconceived attitudes affect our ability to listen. We tend to listen uncritically to persons of high status and dismiss those of low status.

Semantic distractions occur when a word is used differently than you prefer. For example, if someone uses the word "chairman" instead of "chairperson" some people may focus on the word and not the message.

People don't see things the same way when under stress. What we see and believe at a given moment is influenced by our psychological frames of references---our beliefs, values, knowledge, experiences, and goals.

Environmental factors such as lighting, noise, color or people around may also distract us from effective communication.

Sometimes we assume some information has no values to others or others are already aware of the facts, so we stop ourselves from sharing information, which results in ineffective communication as well.

puT yOURself FOrwaRD in the Best pOssiBle waY

When Michael K. Lorelli became the president of PepsiCola East in 1989, he joined the ranks of professionals who had enlisted executive coaches to help smooth their rough edges that can impede a climb up the corporate ladder.

An executive coach, part therapist, part drill sergeant, stresses less on business strategies than on reversing potentially self-defeating barriers to success---a lame handshake, clumsy presence, unflattering outfit, inarticulate speech, poor people skills, ignorance of office politics.

"I was a simple middle-class Italian kid from Queens and CEOs are expected to have a certain amount of polish," said Mr Lorelli, now President and CEO of Latex Int'l, who paid about $2,000 in 1990 to have his table manners, fashion sense, mannerisms and other characteristics evaluated and for the next 8 years, he and his employees periodically took the refresher courses.

Most etiquette consultants/executive coaches are hired to help the employees develop the certain je ne sais quoi and Human Resource professionals say it also gives the company an edge in a hypercompetitive world.

Based in Manhattan, Camille Lavington, also Mr. Lorelli's coach, charges up to $10,000 a client and says she has worked with investment companies, real estate companies and international marketers.

"When people go from middle management to senior management, they desperately need it." She said. "There is very little awareness of the lifestyle and the demeanor and the protocol of the more refined areas. It's subtle. You've got to play to the audience."

"Corporate America is a chess game about how your position yourself. If you position yourself well or handle yourself well, you can exit or enter a new situation with ease and with 10 percent to 15 percenti n salary than if you did it yourself." Said Anton Belzer, now a general sales manager at Radio One in Houston TX, used a coach when he was preparing to switch jobs 2 years ago.

The way your carry and present yourself is critical to success and if people read that you are competent and confident---even if you blunder---they are forgiving because you just look like you have it together!

PROfessional preSENCE---ClOthiNg bASicS

Before putting on something, we have to ask ourselves, if its fit, if it conforms to accepted standards, if it reflects a positive image of who we are, what we do, and where we belong?

For good or ill, however, a large part of any 1^st impression is based on clothing and a lot of time we also use clothing as clues to a persons personality, attitude, and professionalism. Likewise our clothing also influences how others treat and perceive us.

For both men and women, certain neutral colors such as stone, pewter, soft white, medium navy and medium grey are for everyone and are readily available all year.

LADIES, if your weight is above average or your height is above 5'7", you should avoid wearing small prints, which makes you look even larger. Pearls earrings always add elegance to any business suit.

Watch out the colors of red, yellow and lavender. People may not hear you for they are still listening to your clothes unless you're sure your verbal statement will definitely positively upstage your personal fashion statement.

Avoid too tight, short, low-cut or sexy as well as too frilly or girlish outfits.

GENTLEMEN, navy, charcoal and medium gray are powerful colors and medium blue connects to friendliness.

For shirts, avoid lavender, peach, plaids, dots or broad stripes. While wearing a tie, the tip of a tie should end at the middle of the belt buckle, no shorter than the top of the buckle.

A belt should match the shoes. Black shoes go with gray, navy and black suits while brown ones match beige or tan suits. The color of shoes or socks is usually darker than the suits or blends with the trousers.

uberSEXual

"Ubersexual" is a new term 1^st spotted in the book, "The Future of Men" authored by Marian Salzman-EVP & Director of Strategic Content of JWT-the largest ad agency in America, Ira Matathia, and Ann O'Reilly. It means a "return to the positive aspects of masculinity or "M-ness" of yesteryear (strong, resolute, fair, confident)," according to the writers, who helped spread the word on Metrosexuality in the first place.

The descriptor "uber" was chosen because it means the best, the greatest, says Salzman. Unlike Metrosexuals, who the authors now claim risk being seen as "sad sacks" who seem "incapable of retaining their sense of manhood," Ubersexuals are confident, rugged and influential.

The authors' list of Top 10 Ubersexuals includes George Clooney, Bill Clinton, Bono, Barack Obama, Guy Ritchie, Jon Stewart and others whose growing sex appeal reflects a drop-off in Metrosexuals' popularity, according to the writers, who say Metrosexuals now seem high-maintenance, self-absorbed and overly dependent on women's fashion tips.

The 41-year-old singer of Third Eye Blind, Stephan Jenkins seems to be a big-time Ubersexual, a quick mover with broad masculine appeal to many women and men. The Oakland native was UC Berkeley's valedictorian in 1987, and he recently dated (and might still, if www.StephanJenkins.com is correct), 25-year-old singer Vanessa Carlton. Previous girlfriends include Winona Ryder and Charlize Theron.

But, as befits the label-resistant spirit, Jenkins rejects the Ubersexual tag altogether. "It seems like a marketing ploy," he said. "I don't think men need a 'sexual' put next to their names. ... What kind of sexual is the Dalai Lama? I want to be that."

The San Francisco author of the best-selling "Tales of the City", Armistead Maupin, has become a literary giant, an openly gay author whose appeal seems Ubersexual. When asked his thoughts on the Ubersexual label, he laughed. "It's absurd. Are there any gay men on the authors' list? No. She (Salzman) implies that homosexuals are naturally excluded from the list." "The list," Maupin added, "seems to suggest that gay men cannot be strong and masculine and sensitive and self-determined."

Is Ubersexual a pseudo-academic prognostication, marketing ploy or a real new trend? This is NYC. There's always room for all sorts of sexuality!

etiQUEtte

Etiquette is a set of traditions based on kindness, efficiency, and logic that have evolved over time.

Manners don't stifle self-expression. You don't have to change your personality to be polite unless rudeness is an integral part of your character; otherwise Etiquette enables you to be both powerful and polite, strong and sweet.

Good manners will save you time because you won't have to spend time soothing over hurt feelings or making up for damaging mistakes and they free you from the discomfort of uncertainty and the fear of offending someone.

In today's hectic, bottom-line oriented business environment and a competitive city jungle like NYC, etiquette skills can soften the high-pressure demands you place on your co-workers and forestall explosive outbursts. Graciousness will help you obtain and maintain clients. A courteous demeanor can advance your career and enhance your reputation as a professional.

Without these skills you not only risk losing customers, the support of associates and colleagues but your loving friends & family.

sLimmIng fashiON

* Go monochrome: Monochromatic dressing (one color from head to toe) makes anyone look taller and slimmer.

* High heels make you look more feminine and your legs look longer.

* A single-button jacket with long pants has an overall slenderizing effect.

* Skirts with a flared, A-line cut make your waist appear smaller and hide your thighs. If you want to wear pleats, they should start below the hips, to flatten your tummy and give you freedom of movement.

* The slight flare at the bottom of boot-cut jeans makes your thighs appear thinner.

* Wear skinny diagonal stripes. Horizontal stripes create width; diagonal stripes give a fluid look and the skinnier the stripe, the thinner you will appear.

TAlk the taLK with wOMEN

It's all about HOW you talk about WHAT you talk about.

If you don't understand HOW to carry on a conversation that creates CHEMISTRY, it really won't matter WHAT you talk about... because the chick you're talking to, won't FEEL a thing towards you.

The point is that if you're running into a lot of awkward silences, nervousness, and other usual challenges, then you probably need to get the HOW handled before the WHAT.

Avoid talking negatively about yourself, talking about how desperate you are or how long it's been since you've been on a date, asking if she likes you or if you're her cup of tea... and any other WUSS-BAG topic that makes you look insecure and needy. Please don't talk about how great you are with your work, how much money you earn or how filthy rich you are unless you are dating a gold digger or simple-minded broad! The key to success with women is establishing a powerful CHEMISTRY link between you and her yet if money is the only link, let it be...

If you don't know HOW to do this, then NOTHING you do is going to help you very much. If you do know HOW and WHY women feel CHEMISTRY for men, then almost ANYTHING you do or talk about can amplify it.

If you want to get a powerful inspiration about how to make women feel that inexplicable emotion of CHEMISTRY for you, I'd recommend that you schedule an appointment with me to learn various ideas and techniques for approaching, dating, and getting physical with different women.

Men gO from Hick to hUNK

* No sneakers at work! Wear smart Italian loafers in a dark color. They are just as comfy as any other pair of sneakers but with a sense of style.

* Ties should be treated as accessories, like jewelry on a women and should contrast or coordinate with the suit worn. Experiment with unconventional colors. Go bold, subtle, wild, or subdued with patterns, just about anything works.

* Pin-stripped shirts never go out of style. Self-pinstriped dark colored pants will make you look taller and thinner. To flaunt a broader upper body, team them with a light colored shirt.

* Socks of dark colors should be preferably worn because whites look too stark.

* Belt is one accessory that can make or break the entire ensemble. Go with the basics for work wear.

* Smelling great will be the perfect end to a dressing ritual. Make the effort to use the same brand of after-shave, cologne, and eau de parfum. This way your fragrance lasts longer.

* Hair should be short and well-groomed. If sporting a mustache, keep it neat, trimmed and well-groomed. Nails should be kept clean, short and neat. They are a very visible part of your professional attire.

ruLes Of daTing

If you are set to have fun, to learn about yourself and others, and to develop social skills, you can enjoy any given date.

On the other hand, if you fix on meeting your "soul mate", it is virtually certain you will not enjoy any given date, nor the game itself. (No Assumption, No Expectation, No Frustration for New Inspiration)

A successful relationship is built on 3Cs: Communication, Caring, and Commitment. You can give these to another ONLY IF you can give them to yourself 1st. Consider using this affirmation daily: "I Love & Appreciate Who I Am, How I Am, What I Do!"

Most people disempower themselves, at times mercilessly, with negative evaluations of themselves and others. Dude relax! Don't take rejection personally: "chemistry" has nothing to do with who you are!

Don't expect your first date with anyone to be the one. An ideal partnership requires shared values and life-style preferences; compatible goals; complementary personalities; and similar expectations of (and capacity to nourish) a relationship, in addition to chemistry.

So, Go meet with lots of people and if you relax and allow things to just unfold, you'll be able to enjoy and get to know your date and you can discover other kinds of valuable relationships if you're not just focused on romance. And, men, you need to know that "friends" can become lovers, if you're patient, respectful and loving: a true friend!

Be genuinely interested in your date, and ask them questions about their life, their interests, work, friends and family, hobbies and preferred fun activities, etc. It's critical to balance showing interest in the other person and making room for them to show interest in you: if you're always pursuing, it's likely your partner will retreat!

If you feel comfortable, safe and mutually attracted with your new friend/date, then it may be appropriate to explore sexuality...It is critical to know what sex means to your partner: don't assume anything, ask them. You also need to respect and admire each other as people: you simply can't build a satisfying relationship without these two qualities.

Chemistry is important, but it can distort your thinking. Sexual feelings stimulate a myriad of chemicals in the body, which are proven to alter perception like drugs. So exceptional care and consciousness are called for! If you have a history of crash and burn relationships, it's a good idea to get feedback from your friends, before you jump in.

metroSEXuality

British satirist/journalist/writer Mark Simpson coined the term "Metrosexual" by combining metropolis and sexual in 1994 to describe a new and exotic species of man featured in Calvin Klein underwear ads ¡s not necessarily handsome but attractive, chiseled yet shapely, filthy rich but financially secure.

As the presence of women increased in men's social and working lives - as women's rights were belatedly recognized - men have changed the way they act. Men, some marketers believe, are changing because women demand their partners take greater effort with their appearance. If women can date well-built, well-disciplined, well-mannered, and well-spoken men, why get stuck with fat, sloppy, arrogant, and ignorant hogs!?

The feminist movement has been the biggest contributor to the men's market since it has developed. As women have pushed for equal rights, the success of that push has fundamentally altered the way men and women interact.

The workplace itself has changed for many men, too. As the proportion of white-collar workers grows, so does the tension of competition. To compete and stand out in today's business or social environment, not only must you be competent but eloquent and elegant.

The trendsetting male icons of the 21st century must combine the coercive strengths of Mars and the seductive wiles of Venus. Put simply, metrosexual men are muscular but suave, confident yet image-conscious, assertive yet clearly in touch with their feminine sides. A man who has a good taste, who loves art, who often takes good care of himself and his belongings, is self-assured in himself enough to express his feelings freely. He is emotionally sensitive & aware, verbal & communicative, physically fit & clean, and often mistaken for homosexuals in denial. Just consider Brad Pitt, Jude Law, George Clooney, Topher Grace, and British soccer star David Beckham.

You might be "metrosexual" if any of the following descriptions sounds like you:

1. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man-purse.

2. You see a stylist instead of a barber.

3. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.

4. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and moisturize.

5. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.

6. You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.

7. You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.

8. Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive.

A metrosexual takes pride in his appearance and is a gentleman in all manners of the definition. A metrosexual is a man that knows masculinity is not about being rude and dirty, but being well-dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered, well-cultured, and well-balanced. Men not of this stature commonly mock these characteristics due to their own insecurities and jealousies. Those who lack the capacity of civility, style, taste, discipline, and open-mindedness may have difficulty accepting the concept of metrosexual.