Electronic Etiquette(1)-Telephone Manners

Telephone: Answering Calls

If your company has a long name, come up with a way to shorten it and never combine a long identification with a long follow-up. Keeping your telephone answer to fewer than 10 words can prevent the caller from tuning out or becoming irritated.

Don't blatantly base your availability to talk on the identity of your caller. You are either in or out, available or unavailable. However before the phone rings, you always have the option of telling your assistant whose calls you'll take.

Answering the phone with a clear, pleasant voice conveys that you are both professional and personable. When you speak on the phone, the vocal and verbal components of your demeanor become exaggerated because the visual component of your professional presence is missing.

The 1^st call always takes priority. If another call comes in when you are on the phone you should put the original caller on hold only long enough to take the 2^nd caller's message and if you must terminate the original call, make sure it is, for instance, your CEO wants to have a word with you.

Before putting people on hold or transferring calls, it's courteous to ask the person if he/she wishes to. Get back to the person on hold every 20 or 30 seconds to let the person know what's happening. If you're transferring the person to the appropriate, give the person the extension before you make the transfer in case she/he gets disconnected.

When you are away from the office make sure that your coworkers have the accurate information on when you will return so repeat callers won't get different versions of the best time to reach you.

If a person isn't there while returning the call, remember to leave a message. Never delay returning a "bad news" call, the sooner you tell the person and explain what difficulties you've encountered, the sooner the person can move on to other alternatives, which is doing a favor to the caller.

Messages do sometimes go astray. When that happens, it's gracious to admit it and return the call explaining why you failed to return the person's call in time, apologizing for the delay, and asking if your assistance is still needed.

Telephone: Placing Calls

When reaching the wrong party, don't just hang up, ask the recipient if you reached the # you planned to dial, which keeps you from reaching the wrong party again. If you must leave a message or ask someone to call you back, make sure you leave your name, number, and the information on the best time to reach you.

Sales personnel can send out a will-call letter, outlining the basic proposal that a prospective client can digest at his/her leisure before a follow-up call is made. Once you've reached the person, structure the phone conversation by stating the purpose or problem then outlining the options & their ramifications, and ending with some sort of conclusion.

While calling for request or a favor, be careful about "You" statement such as "you forgot", "you neglected", or "you must" can sound accusatory on the phone even when said in a moderate tone. Instead, put your comments in the form of a question: "could you get that done within today?", "did you complete the report on that project?" or use "I" statements: I need it to be done within today or I'll be in big trouble if the report is unfinished.

Talking too long is like overstaying welcome. End your phone conversation with a conclusive statement as "I'll get the final figures to you by tomorrow" and include a polite acknowledgement as "it's been nice talking to you" you always want an upbeat ending.

Courtesies for the Disabled

Many people become nervous or don't know what to do/what to say around people with disabilities. Here're some guidelines to make meeting and greeting those with physical disabilities a positive experience.

Speak to disabled people directly, maintaining eye contact with them rather than with their interpreters. Offer your left hand whenever someone offers you a left hand to shake hands for the person might have limited use of right hand or have an artificial limp. Don't be overly embarrassed or apologetic while using common expressions such as "did you hear about…" or "I see". When there's a person who's visually impaired in the group, use names to make it clear to whom you are speaking, such as "Bill, have you received an update on sales forecast?"

While communicating with a person in a wheelchair, try to get on the person's eye level and don't touch, lean on or put your hand on the wheelchair and never pat the person's head or shoulder---it's patronizing. Being disabled is a part---but not all---of who that person is. People who are disabled don't want to be considered, or treated, as one-dimensional symbols of their disability. You can offer to help but wait to assist until the person accepts or provides you with instructions. Politely and sensitively greet and treat the disabled as much as possible in the same way in which you would greet and treat anyone else.

InterNatiONal etiQUEtte

International Perspective

Culture undeniably determines perspective. Notions about what conduct is correct are rooted in each country's environment. Whether you are visiting another country or are hosting a foreign representative in the US, you want to act in a courteous, gracious fashion that will make everyone feel comfortable.

General International Etiquette Guide

Just as we expect visitors to our country to adopt our customs, you are expected to figure out how to function properly in the host country.

We see things according to our cultural backgrounds and it's like putting on our cultural glasses and every culture has a different set of glasses, which affects its vision of reality, hence cultural difference results in different perceptions. For example, to Mexicans, Americans are unemotional and serious, likely to work as a team but rather time-conscious. The Taiwanese see Americans are emotional and fun-loving, easygoing although inclined to be independent. What it boils down to is that there are absolute no absolutes.

Remember that our perceptions are relative not absolute. One of the invigorating aspects of travel can be the way it allows you to examine your own beliefs and habits, taking them off of "automatic" if you so choose.

When you feel offended, try to consider motivations and perspectives. Intention counts for a lot: someone who didn't look at you didn't mean to insult you but instead was showing you deference.

As a business traveler, you are not there to change the culture but to work within it. In new environments, try new foods, new ways of behaving, your hosts will appreciate the positive attitude demonstrated by your attempt. Be prepared to react positively to unusual encounters.

The greater the depth and breath of your knowledge, the better able you will be to function in the international environment. Be sensitive to surroundings as you watch for clues on how to behave.

Psychological Effect of the Color of Red

Power of Red

·Attributes: upbeat, confident, assertive, exciting, conspicuous, passionate, intense, impulsive, daring, aggressive, domineering, bossy, threatening

People Who Like Red are exciting, animated, optimistic, emotional and extroverted. Desire is the key word and they hunger for fullness of experience and living.

Since you crave so much excitement in your life, routine can drive you bananas. Restlessness can make you fickle in your pursuit of new things to turn you on. It is hard for you to be objective and you can be opinionated. You have a tendency to listen to what others tell you and then do whatever you please. Patience is not one of your virtues.

People Who Dislike Red: Since red is primarily associated with a zest for life, excitement and passion, a dislike of this hue could mean that these feelings are a bit much for you to handle at this point in your life. Perhaps you are bothered by the aggressiveness and intensity that red signifies. Or perhaps you would really like more fulfillments but are afraid to get involved. People who are irritable, ill exhausted, or bothered by many problems often reject red and turn to the calmer colors for rest and relaxation. They are very self-protective.

Wearing Red for Emotional & Physical Impact

· When you want to be recognized or to catch someone's eye

· When tired, red gives you an artificial boost

Avoid Wearing Red

· When overtired or overstressed

· Being interviewed for a job

hOw to Deal wIth conFLict & prICKLy persONalitiEs

Keys to Managing Conflict

The true test of your etiquette skills comes not from dealing with people who are polite but from dealing with those who are rude.

When you're in such a test, try everything you can before taking it to the higher level. Don't generalize or label the person, as in "he's just lazy." You need to give the person a chance to correct it or to explain it.

Before going directly to the person, map out the pros and cons for giving in and the possibility of other alternatives. Find a time and a place that both of you can be alone, comfortable, and undisturbed to tackle to the conflict. Stay calm and stay focus and don't blame or name call. Propose your solution and hear out the person's opinion and try to develop a mutual solution then take action.

You might have to agree to disagree and might want to take the discussion with someone at a higher level if the matter is important enough to you or significant enough for the organization.

Coping with Prickly Personalities

Sometimes some people just refuse to behave in a constructive fashion, flatout bitches or jerks and you cannot force anyone to do anything. All you can do is give it your best shot.

Limit actual contact with a bully by communicating via email or memos and repeat what you want from a bully like a broken record to be assertive and firm. It can be helpful to get allies who agree with you regarding a problem.

If a person keeps refusing to discuss with you, you can just tell the non-combatant what you'll do next with or without the person's input or warn that you may take the problem to a supervisor.

If a complainer keeps complaining about the same problem over and over again, make him/her promise you to try your suggested solution and you'll reevaluate it in a later date and if the complainer complaining to you about another person, show your concern then ask the complainer to confront the person he has a problem with.

A conspiracy victim takes any criticism personal and will attack the validity of source of complaints about him/her. Emphasize YOU consider the issue a problem and YOU want to solve it, no one else.

CAreer maKEup

The career look requires more attention and a little more time and product to create than the casual look does. Whatever the occasion, the career look should be polished and professional.

1) Start by using concealer under your eyes and eyelids, concentrating on the most recessed corner of the inner eye. Apply over any small imperfections on your face and blend with a sponge.

2) Apply a foundation that best suits your skin type and preferred coverage, and that matches your natural coloring. Blend carefully.

3) If needed, add loose powder to set and soften the look.

4) Shape the cheek area by lightly applying a blush color to the areas just under your cheekbones, and a touch more to the balls of your cheeks. Blend well to keep the look muted.

5) Career eyes require only two eye shadow colors and eyeliner.

6) Apply a light eye shadow over the entire eyelid.

7) Apply a thin line of pencil eyeliner at your lash lines and smudge to set.

8) Follow by applying a darker eye shadow along the lash line and blend well to create a soft, yet focused eye.

9) Apply the same eye shadow in the crease to create added depth.

10) Apply one or two coats of mascara on the top lashes only.

11) Use a lip pencil that blends well with your lipstick color to define your lips.

12) Add shape to your mouth and, if needed for staying power, fill in your lips with a pencil.

13) Apply the lip color that best suits your coloring as well as keeps your lips looking soft and professional.

Why Geek Geniuses Lack Social Graces?

Norman Doidge On Human Nature

National Post

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology, perhaps the finest post-graduate school for mathematical and computer minds in the world, has a course that teaches its entering geniuses the most basic social skills -- often at a rudimentary level. MIT students wittily dub it "charm school." Many of the best and the brightest minds in science, math and computers are often physically and socially clumsy, and they know it. They've been teased mercilessly for being "klutzes" of one sort or another most of their lives.

Ten years ago, Dr. David Forrest, a psychoanalyst who had studied schizophrenics, turned his research attention to those who are designated "nerds," "geeks" and "space-cadets," to understand why so many with superior mental abilities are uncoordinated, come with plastic pen packs in smudged shirt pockets, have an often whiny voice with a mechanical timbre, and a sudden loud, peculiar, foghorn laugh and snort. He wondered why a "nerd" stoops to take such a close look at what interests him, sniffing his food if it smells funny, placing his nose right in it, "locking on" with his eyes. Forrest wondered if there was some special relationship between certain kinds of intelligence and the absence of physical and social graces.

Now there's a book, Shadow Syndromes, that begins to answer Forrest's questions, and many more. Shadow Syndromes, by Harvard psychiatrist John Ratey (co-authored with Catherine Johnson), sets off a cascade of "aha" reactions that significantly alter one's conception of oneself and others.

It's only in the last few decades that we have learned that most of the major mental disorders have "shadow syndromes" or milder versions. Ratey's and Johnson's book brilliantly describes numerous shadow syndromes -- masked depressions (that show up in those who are always "being difficult"), less severe manias, obsessive-compulsive disorders, rages, and attention deficits, all of which influence our work and love lives.

For instance, Shadow Syndromes builds a powerful case that many of us "nerds" are at the mildest end of a spectrum of autistic disorders. Till recently, autism was believed to exist only in a severe form. Autistic kids have profound difficulty connecting with people, and always appear "out of it." But many have neurological difficulties as well. Autistic infants, when startled, can't turn off the startle response. They are hypersensitive, and are well-known to spend hours rocking or moving their hands rhythmically, to soothe themselves.

But 10 years ago, Edward Ritvo of UCLA, in an attempt to study autistic children, went around Utah, and spoke to the parents of every known autistic child in the state. He discovered that a number of the parents were mildly autistic themselves. Some were socially isolated, had autistic ways of walking (were "odd ducks") and spent long hours rocking.

Suddenly, it seemed that along with some well-known physical causes, there was likely a genetic component to autism. As well, the psychoanalytic observation that some autistic kids had parents who could not connect with them seemed not so far-fetched: Some of these parents were autistic.

Mildly autistic people have a characteristic, Mr. Spock-like way of speaking -- overly formal, with little emotion. They have trouble understanding the meaning of tone changes in speech and can't easily make small talk. They can't read people. One of Dr. Ratey's patients, Aaron, a socially awkward computer programmer and a 34-year-old virgin, who might have passed for neurotic, couldn't empathize at all. Never having known what empathy was, when others understood him, he felt they had invaded his mind. He showed the signs of physical awkwardness and couldn't dance unless someone physically guided each step. (Many autistic kids can't skip, or clap in time to music, and have problems with rhythm and balance.)

Co-ordination of movement and balance are known to be regulated by the part of the brain called the cerebellum. We now know, from brain scan studies by Eric Courchesne, that the cerebellum is significantly underdeveloped in autism. It has also recently been shown, to the surprise of many, that the cerebellum co-ordinates both physical movement and the shifting of attention.

This finding is momentous. It led Courchesne to ask, "What would happen to the infant who comes into the world with cerebellar damage, and a clumsy attentional apparatus?" Courchesne showed that it took these kids six seconds to shift attention, and hypothesized that this was not fast enough to make out the fleeting sweeps of emotional expression and social information. A smile erupts and disappears in a moment on a mother's face. The child who cannot catch it, or who can't shift his attention quickly enough to see what the mother is smiling at, feels "out of it." At best, he catches the shadow of her smile. Thus, he cannot "tune in" to people, or share in a moment of joy. Later on, he may learn to tediously calculate what others are feeling, but that is hard work, indeed.

This cerebellar slowness may also explain some of the intellectual feats of the mildly autistic "computer nerds" that are now reorganizing the planet. (Bill Gates, according to Shadow Syndromes, is reported to rock himself, spend hours on the trampoline, not make eye contact, and have trouble making social conversation.) It is not just that computers provide an alternative to direct contact with people. Many mildly autistic people are right-brain types, often with great visual-spatial skills. Silicon Valley is filled with shy, awkward geniuses, who are able to be obsessed with certain interests or ideas; never letting go of them, they are able to make connections and discoveries the rest of us cannot.

But more importantly, because attention shifting is slowed, autistic people experience life as a series of freeze frames. Thus, they have trouble perceiving the whole. But they are far better than "normal" people at perceiving the parts. Some autistic artists can reproduce, in perfect detail, a building only seen once; the "normal" artist starts from a sketch of the whole, then fills the details in. Autistic people can see things out of context -- the starting point for invention.

Ratey and Johnson state that neuroscience "is proving Freud right: probably none of us is 'normal' -- normal in the sense of possessing a brain in which every part and system works as well as every other part and system -- and all functions lie well within an optimal range." In Shadow Syndromes you may just recognize your own "noisy" brain and the way it, for evolutionary reasons, biases how you process information. It's getting late in 1999, so it's not too early to recommend Shadow Syndromes as one of the most fascinating books on psychiatry, for the general reader, of the decade.

duDe shE iS noT INto You!

Some of you girls must've been there: You're at a bar/party and some random guy comes up hitting on you. When you try to brush him off nicely and politely, he just doesn't want to give up.

"Men think that if they're in a social scene and a girl looks good, it's okay to be aggressive," says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., coauthor of Why Can't You Read My Mind? It's as if they believe that when a woman puts on ravishing clothes and grooms herself nicely, she's asking to be pursued by whoever however whatsoever.

One of the reasons why guys mistake no for maybe is the male ego. If a man approaches a woman while his friends watching, he feels like he is not allowed to miss the shot, so he keeps trying because of the pressure being in the spotlight. Besides, oftentimes men also think it's part of the "game." either they've heard repeatedly or learned from some lame ass dating experts that women tend to play hard to get(I believe some women do and so do some men though), so they think if they keep trying and keep changing tricks, they'll eventually get what they want. Is it really?

"Many guys feel clumsy about meeting women, so they use alcohol as a social lubricant," says Michael Kimmel, Ph.D., author of the upcoming Guyland: The Inner Lives of Young Men. Even if a few drinks can ease anxiety yet they can also trigger aggression if men become upset when they're rejected. Boys if you don't look or act cuter after you're drunk, don't drink so much that you lose all senses!

The best way to deter a guy without having to be a total bitch is to play detached and apathetic loud and clear. Your body language and actions should not send out mixed signals because men often mistake friendly gestures for sexual advances. Don't play with your hair or maintain eye contact while talking to him, turn down his offer to buy you a drink, and don't laugh about his jokes, you'll only encourage him.

OK here comes the bitch part, no one likes to be rejected, likewise no one likes to be bugged! If the dude refuses to relent, look him straight in the eye and say in a strong voice, "I'm really not interested," and then turn away. Most men will respond by putting their tails between their legs or acting like jerks if they cannot handle the rejection.

In such a city jungle, it's ok to have your own survival skills or game plans as long as you can do it right with the right people!

BarriErs to CommunicATion

Anything that prevents understanding a message is a barrier to communication. The barrier is like a filter which may filter out the originality or true meaning of an idea or a message.

Our culture, background, bias allow us to use past experience to understand something new, it's when they change or distort the meaning of the message then interfere with the communication process.

Before getting ready for an effective communication, we need to throw out the "Me Generation", which are defensiveness (we feel someone is attacking us), superiority (we feel we know better), and ego (we feel we are the center of activity).

If we feel there are such barriers as a person who talks too fast, who is not articulately clearly, we may dismiss the person.

Sometimes our preconceived attitudes affect our ability to listen. We tend to listen uncritically to persons of high status and dismiss those of low status.

Semantic distractions occur when a word is used differently than you prefer. For example, if someone uses the word "chairman" instead of "chairperson" some people may focus on the word and not the message.

People don't see things the same way when under stress. What we see and believe at a given moment is influenced by our psychological frames of references---our beliefs, values, knowledge, experiences, and goals.

Environmental factors such as lighting, noise, color or people around may also distract us from effective communication.

Sometimes we assume some information has no values to others or others are already aware of the facts, so we stop ourselves from sharing information, which results in ineffective communication as well.

puT yOURself FOrwaRD in the Best pOssiBle waY

When Michael K. Lorelli became the president of PepsiCola East in 1989, he joined the ranks of professionals who had enlisted executive coaches to help smooth their rough edges that can impede a climb up the corporate ladder.

An executive coach, part therapist, part drill sergeant, stresses less on business strategies than on reversing potentially self-defeating barriers to success---a lame handshake, clumsy presence, unflattering outfit, inarticulate speech, poor people skills, ignorance of office politics.

"I was a simple middle-class Italian kid from Queens and CEOs are expected to have a certain amount of polish," said Mr Lorelli, now President and CEO of Latex Int'l, who paid about $2,000 in 1990 to have his table manners, fashion sense, mannerisms and other characteristics evaluated and for the next 8 years, he and his employees periodically took the refresher courses.

Most etiquette consultants/executive coaches are hired to help the employees develop the certain je ne sais quoi and Human Resource professionals say it also gives the company an edge in a hypercompetitive world.

Based in Manhattan, Camille Lavington, also Mr. Lorelli's coach, charges up to $10,000 a client and says she has worked with investment companies, real estate companies and international marketers.

"When people go from middle management to senior management, they desperately need it." She said. "There is very little awareness of the lifestyle and the demeanor and the protocol of the more refined areas. It's subtle. You've got to play to the audience."

"Corporate America is a chess game about how your position yourself. If you position yourself well or handle yourself well, you can exit or enter a new situation with ease and with 10 percent to 15 percenti n salary than if you did it yourself." Said Anton Belzer, now a general sales manager at Radio One in Houston TX, used a coach when he was preparing to switch jobs 2 years ago.

The way your carry and present yourself is critical to success and if people read that you are competent and confident---even if you blunder---they are forgiving because you just look like you have it together!

PROfessional preSENCE---ClOthiNg bASicS

Before putting on something, we have to ask ourselves, if its fit, if it conforms to accepted standards, if it reflects a positive image of who we are, what we do, and where we belong?

For good or ill, however, a large part of any 1^st impression is based on clothing and a lot of time we also use clothing as clues to a persons personality, attitude, and professionalism. Likewise our clothing also influences how others treat and perceive us.

For both men and women, certain neutral colors such as stone, pewter, soft white, medium navy and medium grey are for everyone and are readily available all year.

LADIES, if your weight is above average or your height is above 5'7", you should avoid wearing small prints, which makes you look even larger. Pearls earrings always add elegance to any business suit.

Watch out the colors of red, yellow and lavender. People may not hear you for they are still listening to your clothes unless you're sure your verbal statement will definitely positively upstage your personal fashion statement.

Avoid too tight, short, low-cut or sexy as well as too frilly or girlish outfits.

GENTLEMEN, navy, charcoal and medium gray are powerful colors and medium blue connects to friendliness.

For shirts, avoid lavender, peach, plaids, dots or broad stripes. While wearing a tie, the tip of a tie should end at the middle of the belt buckle, no shorter than the top of the buckle.

A belt should match the shoes. Black shoes go with gray, navy and black suits while brown ones match beige or tan suits. The color of shoes or socks is usually darker than the suits or blends with the trousers.

uberSEXual

"Ubersexual" is a new term 1^st spotted in the book, "The Future of Men" authored by Marian Salzman-EVP & Director of Strategic Content of JWT-the largest ad agency in America, Ira Matathia, and Ann O'Reilly. It means a "return to the positive aspects of masculinity or "M-ness" of yesteryear (strong, resolute, fair, confident)," according to the writers, who helped spread the word on Metrosexuality in the first place.

The descriptor "uber" was chosen because it means the best, the greatest, says Salzman. Unlike Metrosexuals, who the authors now claim risk being seen as "sad sacks" who seem "incapable of retaining their sense of manhood," Ubersexuals are confident, rugged and influential.

The authors' list of Top 10 Ubersexuals includes George Clooney, Bill Clinton, Bono, Barack Obama, Guy Ritchie, Jon Stewart and others whose growing sex appeal reflects a drop-off in Metrosexuals' popularity, according to the writers, who say Metrosexuals now seem high-maintenance, self-absorbed and overly dependent on women's fashion tips.

The 41-year-old singer of Third Eye Blind, Stephan Jenkins seems to be a big-time Ubersexual, a quick mover with broad masculine appeal to many women and men. The Oakland native was UC Berkeley's valedictorian in 1987, and he recently dated (and might still, if www.StephanJenkins.com is correct), 25-year-old singer Vanessa Carlton. Previous girlfriends include Winona Ryder and Charlize Theron.

But, as befits the label-resistant spirit, Jenkins rejects the Ubersexual tag altogether. "It seems like a marketing ploy," he said. "I don't think men need a 'sexual' put next to their names. ... What kind of sexual is the Dalai Lama? I want to be that."

The San Francisco author of the best-selling "Tales of the City", Armistead Maupin, has become a literary giant, an openly gay author whose appeal seems Ubersexual. When asked his thoughts on the Ubersexual label, he laughed. "It's absurd. Are there any gay men on the authors' list? No. She (Salzman) implies that homosexuals are naturally excluded from the list." "The list," Maupin added, "seems to suggest that gay men cannot be strong and masculine and sensitive and self-determined."

Is Ubersexual a pseudo-academic prognostication, marketing ploy or a real new trend? This is NYC. There's always room for all sorts of sexuality!

etiQUEtte

Etiquette is a set of traditions based on kindness, efficiency, and logic that have evolved over time.

Manners don't stifle self-expression. You don't have to change your personality to be polite unless rudeness is an integral part of your character; otherwise Etiquette enables you to be both powerful and polite, strong and sweet.

Good manners will save you time because you won't have to spend time soothing over hurt feelings or making up for damaging mistakes and they free you from the discomfort of uncertainty and the fear of offending someone.

In today's hectic, bottom-line oriented business environment and a competitive city jungle like NYC, etiquette skills can soften the high-pressure demands you place on your co-workers and forestall explosive outbursts. Graciousness will help you obtain and maintain clients. A courteous demeanor can advance your career and enhance your reputation as a professional.

Without these skills you not only risk losing customers, the support of associates and colleagues but your loving friends & family.

sLimmIng fashiON

* Go monochrome: Monochromatic dressing (one color from head to toe) makes anyone look taller and slimmer.

* High heels make you look more feminine and your legs look longer.

* A single-button jacket with long pants has an overall slenderizing effect.

* Skirts with a flared, A-line cut make your waist appear smaller and hide your thighs. If you want to wear pleats, they should start below the hips, to flatten your tummy and give you freedom of movement.

* The slight flare at the bottom of boot-cut jeans makes your thighs appear thinner.

* Wear skinny diagonal stripes. Horizontal stripes create width; diagonal stripes give a fluid look and the skinnier the stripe, the thinner you will appear.

TAlk the taLK with wOMEN

It's all about HOW you talk about WHAT you talk about.

If you don't understand HOW to carry on a conversation that creates CHEMISTRY, it really won't matter WHAT you talk about... because the chick you're talking to, won't FEEL a thing towards you.

The point is that if you're running into a lot of awkward silences, nervousness, and other usual challenges, then you probably need to get the HOW handled before the WHAT.

Avoid talking negatively about yourself, talking about how desperate you are or how long it's been since you've been on a date, asking if she likes you or if you're her cup of tea... and any other WUSS-BAG topic that makes you look insecure and needy. Please don't talk about how great you are with your work, how much money you earn or how filthy rich you are unless you are dating a gold digger or simple-minded broad! The key to success with women is establishing a powerful CHEMISTRY link between you and her yet if money is the only link, let it be...

If you don't know HOW to do this, then NOTHING you do is going to help you very much. If you do know HOW and WHY women feel CHEMISTRY for men, then almost ANYTHING you do or talk about can amplify it.

If you want to get a powerful inspiration about how to make women feel that inexplicable emotion of CHEMISTRY for you, I'd recommend that you schedule an appointment with me to learn various ideas and techniques for approaching, dating, and getting physical with different women.

Men gO from Hick to hUNK

* No sneakers at work! Wear smart Italian loafers in a dark color. They are just as comfy as any other pair of sneakers but with a sense of style.

* Ties should be treated as accessories, like jewelry on a women and should contrast or coordinate with the suit worn. Experiment with unconventional colors. Go bold, subtle, wild, or subdued with patterns, just about anything works.

* Pin-stripped shirts never go out of style. Self-pinstriped dark colored pants will make you look taller and thinner. To flaunt a broader upper body, team them with a light colored shirt.

* Socks of dark colors should be preferably worn because whites look too stark.

* Belt is one accessory that can make or break the entire ensemble. Go with the basics for work wear.

* Smelling great will be the perfect end to a dressing ritual. Make the effort to use the same brand of after-shave, cologne, and eau de parfum. This way your fragrance lasts longer.

* Hair should be short and well-groomed. If sporting a mustache, keep it neat, trimmed and well-groomed. Nails should be kept clean, short and neat. They are a very visible part of your professional attire.

ruLes Of daTing

If you are set to have fun, to learn about yourself and others, and to develop social skills, you can enjoy any given date.

On the other hand, if you fix on meeting your "soul mate", it is virtually certain you will not enjoy any given date, nor the game itself. (No Assumption, No Expectation, No Frustration for New Inspiration)

A successful relationship is built on 3Cs: Communication, Caring, and Commitment. You can give these to another ONLY IF you can give them to yourself 1st. Consider using this affirmation daily: "I Love & Appreciate Who I Am, How I Am, What I Do!"

Most people disempower themselves, at times mercilessly, with negative evaluations of themselves and others. Dude relax! Don't take rejection personally: "chemistry" has nothing to do with who you are!

Don't expect your first date with anyone to be the one. An ideal partnership requires shared values and life-style preferences; compatible goals; complementary personalities; and similar expectations of (and capacity to nourish) a relationship, in addition to chemistry.

So, Go meet with lots of people and if you relax and allow things to just unfold, you'll be able to enjoy and get to know your date and you can discover other kinds of valuable relationships if you're not just focused on romance. And, men, you need to know that "friends" can become lovers, if you're patient, respectful and loving: a true friend!

Be genuinely interested in your date, and ask them questions about their life, their interests, work, friends and family, hobbies and preferred fun activities, etc. It's critical to balance showing interest in the other person and making room for them to show interest in you: if you're always pursuing, it's likely your partner will retreat!

If you feel comfortable, safe and mutually attracted with your new friend/date, then it may be appropriate to explore sexuality...It is critical to know what sex means to your partner: don't assume anything, ask them. You also need to respect and admire each other as people: you simply can't build a satisfying relationship without these two qualities.

Chemistry is important, but it can distort your thinking. Sexual feelings stimulate a myriad of chemicals in the body, which are proven to alter perception like drugs. So exceptional care and consciousness are called for! If you have a history of crash and burn relationships, it's a good idea to get feedback from your friends, before you jump in.

metroSEXuality

British satirist/journalist/writer Mark Simpson coined the term "Metrosexual" by combining metropolis and sexual in 1994 to describe a new and exotic species of man featured in Calvin Klein underwear ads ¡s not necessarily handsome but attractive, chiseled yet shapely, filthy rich but financially secure.

As the presence of women increased in men's social and working lives - as women's rights were belatedly recognized - men have changed the way they act. Men, some marketers believe, are changing because women demand their partners take greater effort with their appearance. If women can date well-built, well-disciplined, well-mannered, and well-spoken men, why get stuck with fat, sloppy, arrogant, and ignorant hogs!?

The feminist movement has been the biggest contributor to the men's market since it has developed. As women have pushed for equal rights, the success of that push has fundamentally altered the way men and women interact.

The workplace itself has changed for many men, too. As the proportion of white-collar workers grows, so does the tension of competition. To compete and stand out in today's business or social environment, not only must you be competent but eloquent and elegant.

The trendsetting male icons of the 21st century must combine the coercive strengths of Mars and the seductive wiles of Venus. Put simply, metrosexual men are muscular but suave, confident yet image-conscious, assertive yet clearly in touch with their feminine sides. A man who has a good taste, who loves art, who often takes good care of himself and his belongings, is self-assured in himself enough to express his feelings freely. He is emotionally sensitive & aware, verbal & communicative, physically fit & clean, and often mistaken for homosexuals in denial. Just consider Brad Pitt, Jude Law, George Clooney, Topher Grace, and British soccer star David Beckham.

You might be "metrosexual" if any of the following descriptions sounds like you:

1. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man-purse.

2. You see a stylist instead of a barber.

3. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.

4. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and moisturize.

5. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.

6. You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.

7. You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.

8. Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive.

A metrosexual takes pride in his appearance and is a gentleman in all manners of the definition. A metrosexual is a man that knows masculinity is not about being rude and dirty, but being well-dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered, well-cultured, and well-balanced. Men not of this stature commonly mock these characteristics due to their own insecurities and jealousies. Those who lack the capacity of civility, style, taste, discipline, and open-mindedness may have difficulty accepting the concept of metrosexual.